Hmmm...

Let's see... if lightly burned food is "toasted" and burned food is "roasted" or "broiled," and really burned food is "char-broiled," why do I not have my own show on Food Network?

Roasted zucchini muffins, anyone?

Priceless

The kids did not have school yesterday, so I took them to a place called Zonkers - like Chuck E Cheezits (as Ben calls it) but nicer.


Here's the count:


200 tokens - $40
Tickets to ride the snake coaster and carousel: $15
Minutes it took Elliott to go through his: 41
Times I had to play Whack-a-Mole with Ben: 6
Different locations Abby left her shoes: 4
Kids too tired to fight on the way home: Priceless.

After we got home, I begged them to clean up their room so I could vacuum and I went out to mow, and here's the count for that:

Times I had to redo the starting sequence on the mower: 2
Acres mowed: 3
Mosquito bites: 7
Bugs in my nose: 3
Frogs who narrowly escaped: 2
Grasshoppers who didn't: hundreds - YAY!
Believing my dad is watching from heaven and enjoying the smell of fresh cut grass with me: Priceless.

Change and the Cable Guy

I've been delivering the Children's Message off and on for a few years at our tiny Presbyterian Church (active membership - 37!) but lately I've gotten several positive comments on them. I must be divinely inspired, because they have been occuring to me in the shower on Sunday mornings while getting ready for church, but they seem to work. I thought I'd share a few with you. Here's a little background on this one -
We have had trouble finding a Presbyterian minister to work for us (as have a lot of smaller churches) because we just can't afford to pay anyone a decent salary, but we've had a slew of really great fill-in pastors over the last few years. A wonderfully engaging woman filled our pulpit all summer, and it really looked like we might be able to hire her part-time. Alas, another church closer to her home had a full-time opening, and she had to take it. She's trying to support her family, and we understood, but the change was going to be difficult. Even my kids were asking what we were going to do after Jodi left, she had made that much of an impact on everyone. It occurred to me that change in life is inevitable, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Here's the Children's Message I gave the week after Jodi left.

Last week, the cable guy had to come to my house. One of our satellite boxes wasn't working, and this was frustrating. It's the one clear in the back of our house, the one the grown-ups watch a lot, so we called the company and they scheduled a service call. On Friday afternoon, a short stocky guy knocked on the door. He checked out the tv in the living room, and determined that one was indeed working fine (because he's the expert he couldn't just take my word for it...) and I showed him to the back of the house where the other tv was. I don't think he stopped talking for longer than about three seconds the whole time he was there.
"Wow this is a long house, you must get your exercise around here! So the other box is back here? Do you have them hooked up to the phone line? Is there a phone in this room, cause I think I'm gonna need one, depending on what the problem is. Okay, here it is, now where is this plugged in? Wow, this is an old box, you've had this for quite awhile! Where is the dish? Can I get out there to see it? Okay, let's just hook up my monitor to this outlet and see what we have here. Okay, I see the problem, you're going to need a new box! I've got one in the truck, let me just hike back up there and get it. Do I cross a border or anything coming all the way back here? I'm getting my workout today, huh? Okay let's get this hooked up and I'll just need to call in and get it activated. Good! You're all set - here's your new remote and please just sign here!"
Now the old box was big and black and had this tiny green light and a remote that fit really nicely in your hand - my thumb knew where all the buttons were. The new box is small and silver and it has a really bright blue light and the remote is huge but all the buttons are in new places, and the abbreviations are different. It works, but these changes take some getting used to. I can still find my favorite shows, it just takes me longer to figure out which button to press.
Scripture tells us that change is part of God's plan. You know that verse - everyone can sing along if you want: to everything (turn turn turn) there is a season... So changes at church must be part of His plan, too. We have a new pastor today, and while we are going to miss Jodi, I'm sure that Matthew will do a great job. And even though he's new, there are lots of things about church that haven't changed a bit. I see all the familiar faces in the congregation, Sunday school was the same group you've been with all summer, and things are all still in the same place as last week.
With my new remote, I can get new and different information about the shows I'm watching, and I can find out about the different channels, and I couldn't do that before, so I'm learning something new with the change at my house. I'm sure we're going to learn something new and different from Pastor Matthew too. Change is an adventure, and we need to trust that the changes God brings our way are part of His plan for us.

I'm not used to the remote yet. I have to hold it at arm's length and then some to see some of the abbreviations (and even then I don't know what they all mean yet), but I can still find CSI reruns to entertain me while I cook dinner, and that's what counts, I guess.
It's probably a good thing that the cable guy came. I knew I wanted to have my message be about change, but I was going to take in baby pictures of the kids and embarrass the heck out of them...

September 11th Anniversary Thoughts

On September 11, 2001 I was at a doctor appointment with my month-old daughter and my 2½-year old son. Elliott raced small cars around the floor with another toddler, Abigail slept peacefully in her baby seat, and the adults in the waiting room silently watched the horrifying events on the wall-mounted television.
I wondered what political belief, what religion could possibly be so powerful to inspire these horrible acts. What institution promised its members so much to get them to take their own and other’s lives? What could possibly be worth that? I decided I didn’t know.
As I drove home that afternoon I spotted a huge American flag, billowing at half-mast. My chest tightened, the tears sprang to my eyes, my stomach dropped to my feet and I realized: I do know. I, too, have something worth fighting for, worth protecting, worth dying for. It’s called The United States of America – my home.
So what’s the difference? The United States of America was born, flourished and continues to thrive because it’s purpose is to ensure life, liberty, and opportunity for all its citizens. Terrorist groups exist simply because they have an enemy. They have no higher purpose, and their failure is inevitable. They have no foundation but hate.
September 11th is now my New Year, my resolution day. I resolve to teach my children love, compassion, charity, tolerance, goodwill, understanding and peace. I resolve to practice these things myself, for in them the higher purpose of the United States of America, and all its children, will live forever.

Into the Fray

August 1st really marked the start of the school year. The kids didn't start classes until the 14th, but we started football and cheerleading practice on the 1st. Which meant, "where are my tennis shoes? Do I have to take my pompoms? Can you put my hair up? When do I start tackling? Did you get me a water bottle? I can't get my helmet on! Are you staying to watch? Where do these pads go? Is dad going? How long will it last? Watch me - I remember all the cheers from last year! Do you have to bring Ben? I'm hungry. Black practice pants? Everyone else has white! I forgot to go to the bathroom!"

It also meant that I had to plan dinner far in advance, prepare the ingredients so that when we got home at 8:45, I could throw together something that resembled nutritious food and get them all fed and in the shower before they collapsed from exhaustion. I'm getting that figured out, and we've only had to have frozen pizza once. So far.

I can't just sit, so I talk to the other parents and crochet. Yes, it's kind of an ancient hobby, but it keeps me busy, and the kids' blankets are finally getting done. Some of the other kids are actually quite interested in watching me make a square of fabric from a bundle of yarn. I now have requests for blankets from four of Abby's cheerleading buddies.

The question they all ask is so cute - "do you know how to do that?" Well, yes... obviously. I tell them the story of Mrs. King, who lived across the street from us when I was little. She had two hobbies: crochet and gluing sequins on felt calendars. I didn't understand that one then and I still don't get it, really, which was fine because she wouldn't let me near the piles of sequins and toothpicks and dried drops of Elmer's glue on the card table in her living room. Instead, in between games of Go Fish (during which she would occasionally ask me for a deuce and I would stare blankly until she reminded me that was a 2), she taught me to crochet. I remember ending up with a huge pile of single chain from some scrap yarn she had and holding it up for her to examine. She would look and point out the places where the stitches weren't even, watch my hand position, make little corrections. I don't know if I actually thought this was fun when I was younger, but I'm very grateful for the lessons now. It gives me something to do while I'm sitting and waiting, and the result is a blanket or dishcloths for someone I love. I'll take requests, but be prepared to wait. :)

Football is going well - Elliott got ready for a shower last night and came running naked to the back room, pointing to his upper arms. "Dad! Look! Check out these bruises! Aren't they cool?" Dad's response: "Yep. Chicks dig scars." Please don't let my son marry a 'chick.' Cheerleading is going well, too. She remembers cheers from last year and is helping the new girls. A W E! SO! ME! Awesome awesome awesome are we! Go Vikings! No cool bruises, though.

First games are September 13th. Where? Don't know yet. What time? Not a clue. Why? There are no moms on the football coaching staff.

More Words

Okay, so in a quick few minutes here, I want to tell you the story about the Dictionary of American Slang. I love this book - got it from QPB, a club to which I have belonged for more years than I have bookshelves. Some of what I get is interesting to Don, like the Intellectual Devotional of American History (today's entry is about Reconstruction in the south after the Civil War, the first federal initiative that had government directly impacting ordinary citizens' everyday lives, or attempting to anyway). But more often his reaction to seeing the cardboard box on the table is, "How big is the bill this time?" To my credit, I'm an excellent bargain hunter, only paying full price for stuff you seriously can't get anywhere else and I seriously can't live without, and he doesn't argue with me. I think he's glad that I buy books and not shoes or jewelry - he always has loved me for my brain.
So anyway, one day several months ago a box arrives and it was on a rainy day when Don happened to be home. He brought it in and unwrapped it. Staring at the cover, and then at me, he looked decidedly perplexed.
"How many dictionaries to you need?" he asked quirking one eyebrow as if I was sending the publishers ideas.
“This one’s really cool,” I said. “It’s a collection of all the words that just sort of fell into the language because of popular use.”
“Like what?” he asked, clearly still skeptical of how anything called a dictionary could be cool (even after 12+ years of marriage and all the old dictionaries he’s lugged home from garage sales and dusty bookstores for me, and even after he acknowledged that the Encyclopedia of Omens and Superstitions is actually pretty informative).
“Look up sh*t” I suggested, going to the kitchen to start lunch, leaving him and his skeptical eyebrow at the table. He opened the book.
It’s a good thing the kids were embroiled in a video game at this point, because he followed me all over the house for the next 15 minutes reading entries. Like a good red-blooded American male, the word he looked up was not the one I suggested, but the F Word.
There are 38 entries, beginning with the word itself (11th century Europe to describe the sex act) and ending with the ultimate insult “____ you” (1940’s).
He sat down at the dining room table again as I put a sandwich in front of him, book still in hand. “Wow, who would have thought a dictionary could be so… entertaining?” he asked.

Well, me.

He's a Keeper

Sorry, ladies, he's taken. Very taken.

A conversation between my avowed Athiest husband and his son, Ben, at the dinner table a few nights ago:
Ben: I wonder who made God.
Don: Who made trees? (relating to a previous conversation)
Ben: I don't know.
Don: Who made you? Take another bite, please.
Ben: I don't know.
Don: Who made the planet and everything else?
Ben: God?
Don: So who made you? Take another bite, please.
Ben: God? (at this point, he was laying across his chair, feet in the air, fork blindly reaching for his plate)
Don: Sit up, please. So who made trees?
Ben: (around a mouthful of pork roast) God.
Don: So if God made all those things, He's been around a long time, right?
Ben: Yeah. I know, take another bite.
Don: So then God just is.
Ben: Okay, can I be full now?
Natalie: Yes, you can. (to Don) That was pretty good for an Athiest.
Don: Yeah, well when I'm groveling on my knees in front of Him, I'll tell Him to thank you.

So even though he professes that there is no such thing as God, one higher power that controls everything, I think he does appreciate the need for others, including his children and his wife, to believe in something greater than themselves. He believes in love, being kind, helping others, and working hard. If the application of his beliefs is restricted to those in his immediate family most of the time (his agressive driving is an example), well... he's at least on the right track and there is hope for the future.
So I'll keep him.